How many times has each of us seen it? You’re walking down the street, perhaps trying to work off that burrito you ate earlier or waiting for your damn dog to take a shit already, when you are passed by a young couple blinded by love.
No, really, blinded by love.
Because the girl is pretty, poised, thin (thinner than you can ever hope to be, the bitch) with perfectly manicured hands, which she entwines with her boyfriend’s possessively. He gazes at her in adoration, and that’s when you see it:
The beer gut, the snaggle teeth, the beard which is one too many days past five o’ clock shadow.
Don’t look at me like I’m a bitch, I’m making a point here!
Now, of course there is nothing wrong with an attractive woman dating a less attractive man, the heart wants what it wants, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, yada yada yada…but here’s my question:
Just how often do you see this situation in reverse?
How often do you see a very attractive guy walking down the street with a much less attractive girl? Almost never. I mean, really, I can’t remember the last time I saw a really hot guy with anyone less than an eight on the universal ‘hotness scale’. Why is this? Could it be that women are less shallow, and therefor care less about their mate’s looks, or could it be that this is a long-term relationship in which the guy has ‘let himself go’?
I believe neither of those answers is correct. I have a theory that consists of a subtle sexism at play in the undercurrents of our society, providing women with the message that they must ‘take what they can get’ and encourages men to think that the world is their oyster.
Now, of course there are exceptions to every rule, but on the whole, I can safely say that I see more examples of attractive women with average men than the reverse. Is this because as women, we are schooled into thinking that men do not have to be perfect, but we must be? Are the young boys of our world subconsciously taught that they can get any woman they please? I think so. Look at our ever-present friend, the media, look at the television shows we all watch, and the examples we see: Family Guy, King Of Queens, The Simpsons, and numerous others. All of these shows portray an overweight, average-looking man with a much more attractive wife.
Now any men I have shared this theory with brand me as a femi-nazi and a man hater. One even went so far as to say, “That’s not true, what about the chubby chasers?”
Fine, let’s study that phrase, shall we? ‘Chubby chaser’ is a slang term describing any man with a penchant for heavier women, from the slightly chubby to the obese, which is all very well and good, to each his own, but notice how society has felt the need to label these men, as if they are out of the ordinary, or strange in some way. In fact, ‘chubby chaser’ often comes with a negative connotation, or is seen as something humorous and ridiculous. I have heard people laugh at these so-called ‘chubby chasers’ for their taste in women, which begs the question, why don’t we laugh at the men who like girls that are thinner than the average fourteen year-old boy and have no breasts to speak of? Why don’t we call them ‘skinny seekers’ or something equally stupid? Because society had enforced the idea that ‘skinny’ is normal and ‘chubby’ is abnormal.
And this subtle discrimination does not stop at looks. A few of the overweight women I have known that have been in relationships with more attractive men tend to put up with a lot more abuse than seems necessary. I once almost teared up when a good friend of mine, after having found out that her boyfriend cheated on her, said “Of course I have to take him back…I’m fat. Who else am I going to find?”
Now, this girl was fat. Beating around the bush solves no one’s problems. However, she was also kind, sensitive, funny and extremely pretty. In my humble opinion, she could have found a wonderful man in no time, but society has tricked her into thinking that just because she is less attractive than conventional standards, she had to take whatever life deals to her.
This is wrong.
So men, I address this ending to you – the next time you dismiss a girl because she is too fat, ugly, plain or unusual, look at yourself in the mirror. Do you see those knock-knees? Do you see your bad skin? Can you tell your hairstyle makes you look like a total douche? We women have learned to look past these things, and it is time for you to catch up.
Praise be the almighty Savannah Mazda! =D I am going to make every man I know read this. <3
Haha thank you!
I think insecurity plays a major role. It seems like a lot of men who may not look that great have all the confidence in the world (part of their machismo, blah blah) and think they’re good enough to get that supermodel. But many of us women who have been raised in a society so concerned with appearance psyche ourselves out. They don’t think they can do any better. Maybe we should start having “confidence” classes in elementary school. Boost our self esteem!
Yeah, it almost seems like we need something that extreme, because we are taught lessons our lives to the contrary. Thanks so much for reading!!!
This is SO true, I’ve just realized! Damn men.
Lol, it’s a shame, but it’s just what I’ve noticed.
Thanks for reading!
Savannahmazda you are so silly!
First, I think you are overplaying the ‘hot girl/fugly guy’ equation. It happens, but really, not that often. Most couples I see are relatively evenly matched in appearance, and I truly believe especially among younger girls, they cherish boy ‘eye candy’ on their arms.
Second, when you are a hot guy, you don’t have to work that hard to attract women. As such, many hot guys lack the other requisite attraction switch flipping attributes women go for. Men, we are simple creatures, don’t get mad here because I don’t make the rules, but 90% go for appearance. Women, much more complicated, they go maybe 50% looks tops, especially after being in the game a while. Other attributes like confidence, intelligence, humor…much more important to women than to men.
Hence, the ‘fugly’ guy you see with the hot girl, so much more confident, interesting and ‘knows how to put up with her crap and not be a doormat’ than the guys who use their looks as a crutch.
Some guys have both, the looks and the social skill/host of other attractive attributes, but this is rare, because without adversity these skills are often underdeveloped. So in many cases girls have to compromise. Hot or interesting?
It’s not a societal conspiracy Savannahmazda!
Michael,
First of all, thank you for the long comment, even if its primary point was to disagree with me
. I agree with you that most couples are evenly matched, but I was simply pointing out that if you look at the un-matched couples, the vast majority of them are hotgirl/fuglyguy as opposed to the other way around. And I know that I didn’t make this clear in my blog, and so this is my fault, but there are also with a lot of hot girl who are with guys that are not ‘fugly’ exactly, but definitely less attractive than they are. You tend to see pretty girls with guys that are definitely good looking, but overweight.
Now, as an attractive, overweight woman myself (and I am afraid to admit neither, so there!) I can tell you that a lot of men have turned me down because at a size 8/10 I am ‘too fat’. I’ve even had men tell me “I like you, and if you lost weight, you’d be hot, but I can’t date you.” I also had boys in school that hit on me basically in secret, but never said a word to me when other people were around. So perhaps the conspiracy doesn’t go as deep as I think it does, but you have to admit there is a certain amount of societal influence to factor in there.
Also, I wasn’t trying to include every woman or man in my observation. There are shallow men, and there are shallow women, just as there are women and men who go beyond looks. All I was pointing out was, that in my personal experience, I’ve met more shallow men.
You do make many good points though, particularly in your points about compromise. I can say that the only really hot guy I’ve dated was dull as a brick.
Thanks for reading!
Savannahmazda that is so horrible that boys would say to you that they would date you if you lost weight. Those guys are jerks. No conspiracy there.
“Social proof” is the phenomenon that you are describing with boys who hit on you in secret, you meet their attraction requirements to a degree, but not their social proof requirements. Totally societally influenced. Girls do this as well, especially in hook up culture.
Also with the higher standards of perfection in media today, Joan Holloway from ‘Mad Men’ would be called ‘fat’, even though she is totally hot. It’s a jungle out there, but those are the rules, which again, I didn’t create. Unfortunately, people with really hot bodies will be considered hot and have more options in the dating pool, because of the biology of premium reproduction/survival. Yet ironically obesity is spreading like wildfire in North America. I’m so struck these days by the paradoxes in life so much more than linear elements, think there is so much more knowledge in understanding through paradox.
Glad to see you have the courage to admit you are attractive. I suffer there as well. Though ideally, the woman should be a bit more attractive than the man in a couple, don’t you think? My gender doesn’t really have a beauty culture, we have a power culture.
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My theory is that there are far too many good looking women that they can’t all have a good looking guy, so some of them get stuck with a less attractive guy, which is why it appears that more attractive women hook up with less attractive guys than vice versa. I’m not entirely sure how true that might be, but as a species I find girls are much more attractive on the average than males.
And by the way, I don’t know who all these guys who like skinny girls are. Guys don’t prefer fat girls, but almost every guy I know prefers a girl who is a little chubby over a girl who is too skinny. And I say almost every guy but I’m thinking and I can’t figure out which guy I know who prefers the too skinny chick.
But also guys are horrible. We truly are terrible, terrible creatures. It’s way less about finding an interesting girl than it is about finding a girl who isn’t constantly annoying and will let us bang her at least five days a week. Guy’s won’t ever admit that publicly, but I attend the meeting so I know how our brains work. But there are a few good guys out there, and what I find hysterical is that most the good guys I know are single and ironically enough not great looking (I’m using ironically ironically).
Every friend I have who is going out with a girl way better looking than him is a cocky douche bag. I don’t understand how that works.
Yeah, I don’t understand that either, but from the sounds of it, there’s hope for you!